New Years Eve is also a big fucking headache. First of all its the biggest night of drunk driving. All the amateurs are out and about messing with all the veteran's slick roads. They have practiced this for years while you are a bg newbie cramping on their steez!
And if you aren't a drunk driver then you have to coordinate amongst all of your friends to see who is going to have the worst night ever being sober while everyone around you is a big, fucking idiot. But your chances of getting home safe are still pretty shitty considering everyone else is driving drunk.
If your not driving then you have to go through the huge fucking nightmare of getting a cab. Don't count on getting one within the next two hours because everyone and their mother has called them and they are busier than a whore on payday.
For those of you who are too broke to get a cab, you have to resort to riding your back halfway across town to some random person's house and probably back. Your gonna be shitfaced too so expect to wake up tomorrow with a couple raspberries on your knees.
But for those of you who have the big New Years Eve party... thank you. Your house is fucked. The white, recently washed carpet now has brown dirt tracks leading from the front door, to the kitchen, to the backyard, to the bathroom, and even to your parents room that you could have sworn you locked. Some drunk slut threw up all over the toilet, hitting everywhere but the bowl. Is that vomit on the ceiling? Wouldn't doubt it. All that money you spent on alcohol is already gone by the time 11 O'clock rolls around and you only had two beers...Fuck. By the time its 11:58 there have already been 3 New Years countdowns, all of them wrong considering that one guy has Verizon, a chick has T-mobile, and some unlucky bastard is rocking ATT. Your house is too crowded to find that chick you were gonna kiss at midnight but you find out its the dumb bitch who spackled your bathroom. Your so over it by the time its 12:15 that you try to start kicking people out by lying and saying your going to some other house so everyone has to leave but unless you have huge-ass meatheads to help you regulate, your house doesn't get emptied until 3. Then you have to deal with the kids you haven't hung out with since high school asking to spend the night. You're to drunk to really give a fuck so you let them crash knowing well that they aren't gonna help you clean shit up in the morning even though they promised they would. You spend about a hundred dollars (half of what you spent on alcohol) renting a carpet cleaner and other supplies only to find out that those black tracks aren't going anywhere. Then you're parents come home...
but they are too hungover to really give a shit.
So here's a thanks to all the hosts. Have a Happy Fucking New Year.
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